To Blog or Not To Blog?
I have the new blog site. I have the design. Sort of. I mean, I have to figure some technical things out, but I’m quite happy with the design. I could launch it this week.
But….I’m frozen.
See, I’m stuck in the deciding of who will and won’t have access to the new blog. I know I don’t want my kids reading it. I would like to be able to have some level of anonymity and really be myself. The REAL me, good, bad and ugly included. But because of the content and especially what I am currently in the middle of, I wanted it to be more of a journal. A personal journal. Which means I didn’t want my husband to read it.
There are two camps about this. One says “what do you have to hide?”. I say nothing, but preserving his feelings when I want to say “he’s an ass!” a million ways does matter to me. I want to talk about what I’m really feeling, and I know he can’t always handle that. We’ve been through a VERY difficult time this last year and I have much to say about parts of that. He may not want to revisit it. We are not a perfectly happy couple who shares everything. That couple might read each others’ blogs. I’m not trying to hide anything, I just want to protect him. He’s not seeing that right now and it makes the decision nearly impossible. The other side to the argument says “of course you want privacy! It’s a journal!” to which my husband adds, “yes, one that is read by the entire internet. So why can’t I read it?”. Deep sigh.
So I ponder and I fret, and I wonder what the right choice is. I start to drift to the thought that many who have read this blog hold the opinion that I act in my own interest without regard to others at all, and this wringing of the hands over hurting someone’s feelings is bollux. Then starts the internal stoning of my character. By my own hand, of course. The character judgments, the ‘nobody will read it anyway so who cares’ quips, the doubts that what I feel needs to be expressed at all. But by sheer force of will I put that to a grinding halt and look clearly once again at the issue at hand.
I don’t want him to read it. And it’s not just him, either. There are a few people I don’t want to have the location. I would censor myself. And I really REALLY need to not be censored. And the truth is, if I’m going to censor, I might as well just stay here. This is supposed to be like free therapy and you all are my shrinks. Except I don’t pay you. And you don’t have a cool couch. Well, maybe you do, but I can’t see it through the computer. You should send me pictures.
Aaaand I did it again. Back to the subject!
So what say you? Is it ‘hiding something’ to not want my husband and a few others to read the new blog? Should I just give him the url and write about recipes and my dogs? Should I become a food stylist, move to the East Coast and learn an accent like Marisa Tomei? Or maybe just go fishing?
Hmmm?
March 4th, 2010 at 7:00 am
I used to wrestle with this one myself. But I basically don’t filter much at all from my blog and in real life. I do make sure to be respectful to my family and friends (especially my ex-wife, I never talk down on her for my kids’ sake)
I understand the shelter of anonymity, but I ultimately found being free … well, freeing.
March 4th, 2010 at 11:44 am
I think I can kind of relate to what you’re talking about. When I was going through a tough time in my marriage, I kept journals. Not online ones but paper ones, and my ex felt he had the right to read them whether I wanted him to or not. It really did become a problem because my words and thoughts that were meant for my eyes alone would then be used against me.
. Now your situation is different because you intend to share them with other people. At first I asked myself as I was reading, why would she want others to read them but not her husband? But you answered the question when you compared your blog experience to therapy. You want input on your thoughts rather than just writing them for yourself. And whether or not you are kinda stuck in the house, it can be easier to express through writing than in person sometimes…. I hope that you and hubby are able to come to an understanding about this so you can feel free to express yourself and get out those things that you feel you need to get out without fear of repercussions.
Bottom line: your thoughts are yours and you have the right to hold them to yourself or to share them with ones that you feel comfortable sharing them with. I’m interested in what you have to say in your new blog, but it’s completely up to you if you want to share it with me; much love to you either way. Another option might be a mailing list where it is sent out only to the people you really want to read it rather than posting it on the WWW where anyone might locate and see it, but I gather you have reasons for wanting to do it the way you are doing it. -L
March 4th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
My opinion is that he shouldn’t have access to the new blog. Not because you are hiding anything, but because you WILL censor yourself. You might not MEAN to censor yourself, but you will.
When I was (still am) going through all that grief shit about my mom dying and coming to terms with it (like THAT’ll ever happen) I did give Dirty the link to my blog. Only because he was concerned about what was going on in my head and he wanted to help. I didn’t mind giving it to him, but then I sort of panicked because “OMG what if he reads that one post and doesn’t understand what I meant” or “ACK I didn’t mean it THAT way!” He decided to delete the email and has never read my blog. He said it was because it was for me. That space is for me to get support from the women (men?) whom I blog with. It’s my place to vent, celebrate, or do whatever the hell I feel like doing without feeling like I shouldn’t say something because someone might take it wrong that I see on a regular basis.
I don’t see it as hiding something from your husband, I see it as something to help you get through the shit your trying to get through.
I’m sure a lot of people will disagree with my opinion and that’s just fine. We all do things differently. This works for me, it may not work for someone else.
I hope you can find a solution that works for YOU!
*HUGS*
March 15th, 2010 at 10:22 am
There are some subjects that I want to discuss over on my blog, but for personal reasons and protecting the privacy of a selected few people, I don’t. Which is why I’ve been considering going incognito as another name. I’ve not made the jump yet (the domain name is taken by someone and I’m trying to workout a deal) and what I have to discuss can wait.
I say, go for it. I’m assuming you would be keeping this blog open and then posting the other content over at the new place. Or would you shut this down and move to the new blog? personally, I would keep both, but that’s just me.
Either way, the idea that you can be uncensored and say what you want has a very liberating feel to it.
March 17th, 2010 at 1:02 pm
Definitely two ways to think about this. I know I censor thoughts on my blog because I don’t want to offend my husband/mom/neighbor or whoever.
But on the other hand, knowing your spouse is keeping a secret, even if her reasoning is to keep it from hurting you, still has to feel like a knife in the heart- especially with your recent history. I understand needing a safe place to vent, but maybe the Internet isn’t the place to do it. And no matter how hard we might try, we can never keep anything truly private on the web. And google cache keeps records of all those things we would like to forget we wrote!
Have you heard the saying “people with nothing to hide, hide nothing”? There
has got to be a more constructive way to get those feelings out without erroding the trust you are trying to rebuild.
Don’t mean to be a downer, just wanted to tell you that his point isn’t entirely unreasonable.