Stifled
I’m sure every blogger at one point or another has felt the way I do right now. This space…my space, so to speak, is not mine. Not freely at least. I don’t mind that there are some family and friends who read it. That’s expected. Especially with my actual name on the blog. But it’s hard to spew your true feelings about very deep and personal things when there are wolves prowling at the door to devour everything you say and vomit it back up in the form of vicious (and false) attacks. Which doesn’t give me many choices with how to handle my blog.
I could cave to the pressure and just post occasionally, never going deeper than surface level. I could leave everyone out of the loop and keep this entire fiasco to myself. I could allow people to say “you’re a horrible person!” and actually believe it. And then, I could let those people dictate what I say and eventually, how I live my life.
Not gonna happen.
I’m here. And I’m not goin anywhere.
September 21st, 2009 at 1:30 am
Close your comments! It’s not a right for someone to be able to comment on YOUR blog after all!
September 21st, 2009 at 2:14 am
Good point. I’ll just have approval. I think my comments have taken some abuse…
September 21st, 2009 at 4:02 am
I’m thinking about blocking IPs but then again with mobile devices, that doesn’t really work as well as I would like it to.
I have struggled with the exact same thing for quite some time although I *am* ready to jump ship to a new URL.
September 21st, 2009 at 8:00 am
I’m glad you’re here and stickin around. Closing comments or moderating them is a good idea. That way you say write what you feel without being “badgered”.
Can you do password protected posts? If so, that’s not a bad idea.
*HUGS*
September 21st, 2009 at 10:36 am
Sadly I think she’s right… I think you should approve the comments. It’s not like the Tracy I know would be trying to make it one sided, no way, but save yourself from the grief of vicious attacks that only get scadalized further and further! Now I also know many of us (even me) who have ever had one of those moments in life where you quickly “spew” your thoughts, hit send, and then after you pour some wine and settle down you think, oh Lord, what did I just say? So let’s get onto a good subject; how was the road trip in that hot new car!
September 21st, 2009 at 8:23 pm
I try to remember it like this (remember that I was bashed in the NY TIMES): if you are wearing a T-shirt in public, there will be some percentage of people that will think it’s f-ing ugly. Like so ugly that they could cry. Most won’t tell you that, because they’re raised better, but behind your back? They’ll snicker.
Remove the guise of being polite, and you have The Internet.
Infidelity, money, dogs, those are invites to be smacked down.
Deal with it however you want: close comments, go PWP, change URL’s, whatever, but don’t let it shut you down. There’s always going to be someone who thinks you’re an asshole even if all you say is: “I like sunshine. And kitties.”
I can give you a LIST of places to find people ripping Yours Truly down.
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:11 am
Yep, here you are alright!
September 23rd, 2009 at 7:04 am
You could just tell them to Fuck Off like the real Tracy would have done 15 years ago!!! Also I invite any one to try to badger this thoughtful and caring person her friends call Tracy cause, aside from making yourself look like an ass, my keyboard and I will leave you home with a “just screwed the neighbors cat” look on your face. I also encourage any of the “ficticious screen named” posters to divulge just the smallest hidden secret if you have the cahones. Hiding from your own lewd and hurtful remarks behind a computer screen takes every stitch of credibility from whatever bullshit you feel like spewing. Love you Tracy keep up the good fight and don”t ever forget the phrase for the day,week,year,lifetime “FISH AWN”!!!
September 23rd, 2009 at 9:19 am
I totally agree it’s your blog. The problem I have had with it is that it is discussing me and my life. If you don’t want vicious attacks from the people you are attacking publicly, perhaps you shouldn’t attach them in a public venue. Perhaps you shoud maintain the true identity of your blog…..It’s yours and it’s about you…….NO ONE ELSE!!!!!
September 23rd, 2009 at 12:12 pm
See, that’s the point. Because it is my blog, I can discuss whatever I want. And because of the nature of life, more than likely there will be other people involved in it. There are those I do not include out of respect. In fact, I never used any names except my own. Others have done that in the comments section.
I would hardly call this blog public. Very few people actually read it. And the only ones who have read it who actually know the people involved were sent here by people involved. So I’d say that’s their bad. The public attacks began somewhere else toward me. I took it for a while. But then I had simply had enough and decided to fire back. I see now that it’s pointless and only stirs the pot. I’m done stirring. I’m living my life and people can take it or leave it. I’m not going to be bullied or belittled or judged. Others can try, but I get to choose whether or not they succeed. And they won’t.
Nobody wins in this situation. Choices were made. People were hurt. There is no easy answer. I just wish everyone involved could try to see past themselves and work toward the greater good for everyone.
September 24th, 2009 at 8:14 am
Families think they know until you start a blog and then you become someone they never knew existed. Families can be a pain in the ass. Good for you to carry on.
September 26th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
It’s so sad when YOUR husband has this to say on Facebook:
” Its still just as painfull when your newly seperated wife who lives with you takes off for the weekend to be with the boyfriend.”
It is so sad to me that you have no respect for your husband. Yes, he is STILL your husband until that time in which you sign those papers. You don’t care that you are hurting him and are expecting him to be ok with your boyfriend. I haven’t see you mention this new boyfriend to all your friends. You lead them to believe you are this “christian” woman who made a few mistakes. What they don’t know is you have no honor or respect for your marriage. You continue to put the screws deeper into your husband by sleeping with you “boyfriend” and making sure he is aware of it. So sad you have to be so hurtful. Too bad you don’t have any class because if you did you would do this all the right way. Divorce your husband THEN have a relationship with this other man. I won’t even get into your children! All I can say is “Shame on you!! “
September 26th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
You know, I tried to make sure that my activities were not ‘in his face’ and obvious in a way that would hurt him. But he is unable to keep from asking where I’m going and who I’m with. I understand how he feels. I understand how everyone feels. But this is my choice and I am prepared to take the criticism for it. I just wish people would use their actual names if they are planning to choose sides without all the facts.
There is much that the rest of you don’t know. Many details I choose to keep private. I’m not justifying anything I’ve done or am currently doing. But again, it is my choice. My life, my children, my marriage, only I can know where they all stand and what that means to those involved. While I can appreciate how you feel, your lack of knowledge of all the facts really negates the point you try to make.
September 26th, 2009 at 7:06 pm
Its true, I did ask her what she was doing. We talked about a lot of things to see where we stood and how we should approach situations. Its not that I REALLY wanted to know where she was going and what she was doing, but more truth of what the situation was so I could make my own informed decisions based on real, untainted information. This hurts like hell, but for the first time, I feel I have been told the whole truth so I can make my own decisions and have real feelings about whats going on. I feel strong behind the hurt. Thank you KC, I don’t disagree with you. As she said its not about how I feel, its her personal choice. She is doing what she wants for her right now. I don’t like it , but I am her pain and he is her escape. So I posted for a little sympathy on Facebook, because in the end the situation I am in, regardless of the reasons……sucks.
November 27th, 2009 at 12:51 am
Charles and Tracy,
love you guys, all i know is i did not know this blog existed until this week and i agree that if people have the desire to comment they should also give their names, I dont know where you two are right now all i know is if there is true love here ANYTHING is possible. we all make big mistakes the only thing is some make them public. God is a very BIG God and he can Heal marriages and broken families. God Is bigger than this and i pray you can find a place where you can heal, marriage is precious please know you are in my prayers and think about who you would want to grow old with? you two just seem to fit. hoping you know you are loved. please call on me if you ust want to talk.
Cindy , (remember the magnet you gave me years ago, you said i would always be your friend because i know to much about you.) Remember i am always here.. Smiles and i am praying for you one day at a time..Hugs.
November 27th, 2009 at 2:19 am
I love you too
And miss you. Very self involved right now, as I’m sure you can understand. But I’m slowly seeing light at the end of the tunnel and hopefully will be out and about soon. Many hugs!