Baby Got Back
I am not a small woman.
I am also no longer a large woman.
I’m caught in this sort of body-image limbo where I don’t fit into any category. I still wear a Large in most clothes, but size 10 is a far cry from the size 20 I used to wear. And I honestly can’t remember the last time I wore a size this small. It’s a strange place to be, this In-Between Land.
I pondered my position. I thought about it for a while and then I realized what should have been obvious:
As long as I’m going to live here, I figure I might as well be the Queen.
What size I wear right now isn’t nearly as important as how I own what I have. That means curves, ripples, dimples and other things we don’t discuss on the blog my pastor** reads. Once I realized that size really *doesn’t* matter, I made a very important decision. A decision to do something completely out of my comfort zone but equally important to my self esteem.
And then, purely for your entertainment, I documented it.
Enjoy.
**To my pastors: There is nothing inherently inappropriate in this video, but you might have your wife watch it first. Yanno, just to make sure and all.
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ALSO! DON’T MISS!
I am totally on BlogHer Backtalk this week!
That’s right, I’m famous. Send me presents. And sponsorship offers. Or maybe just chocolate.
April 22nd, 2009 at 5:10 am
Good for you! That was ballsy and I love ballsy ladies! I don’t care if I ever get skinny, bikinis will not touch this body. I’m too worried about the girls falling out.
April 22nd, 2009 at 6:39 am
BABY YOU ARE HOT! WOW, LOVE THE BIKINI. YOU AND I NEED TO DO THIS SOME DAY TOGETHER. I JUST CANNOT FIND ONE THAT HOLDS THE GIRLS IN AND UP! TRACY YOU ARE AMAZING SWEETHEART!
April 22nd, 2009 at 8:41 am
Hilly, that was the problem with pretty much every suit. The one I chose at least felt like they were not moving. You know, unless I walk or something.
Missy, I DO need another one…I’m available anytime! I think we should find some special order place somewhere. Maybe Portland? I have a suit in mind, now I just need to find it
April 22nd, 2009 at 9:12 am
Great job! I love your choice, it looks great on you. I hate bikini shopping, with a passion. I buy them and try them on at home and return them if needed. YAY!!!! You did GREAT!
HUGS
April 22nd, 2009 at 10:37 am
so would you like to send me the “secret” of how to get from my size 20 to your size 10? i felt my best in a 10 and would love to get back there!
you are absolutely beautiful, by the way.
April 22nd, 2009 at 12:15 pm
Coming from a guy’s perspective (and from a guy who is with a plus sized woman), that final choice was nice. Very well fitting.
And coming from someone who makes videos, well done. Nice edits and use of the different fonts.
April 22nd, 2009 at 5:13 pm
Good for you! I had to laugh at the “so little fabric, so much boobage” line. I have that problem all the time. If it fits the rest of my body, it never fits my boobs. My cups spilleth over (and you would have NEVER guessed it, seeing me back in high school!).
April 22nd, 2009 at 5:38 pm
I could recount everything which has already been said — but it’s already been said! And coming from me, it’ll probably be creepy.
Anyway — you, my dear, are ballsy. And beautiful. And bikini’d. You should be proud of yourself.
April 22nd, 2009 at 6:13 pm
And you found one!!! Good for you for not quitting the search!
April 22nd, 2009 at 6:54 pm
Tracy I just have to say how much I adore you…WOW…never in a million years could I have put myself out there like you. I’m so happy for your progress!!! Hope to see you in church soon…we just moved back to mac, and look forward to getting my life back where it belongs! Thanks for the inspiration!!!!
April 22nd, 2009 at 10:11 pm
Marty: Thanks for the props! It was actually my first real attempt at video editing! And it was…difficult to say the least. Glad to know it worked out!
Jen: You would think the fashion industry would GET the point that we need MORE fabric with CUTE bikinis! But oh no. We are supposed to conform. Not them. Remind me again why we spend money with them?
Shiny: Creepy or not, I love hearing good things
And I am STOKED to hear from 2 different people that I’m ballsy. Not a word I would have ever used to describe myself, but I’m starting to believe it!
JEN (other jen!): Yes! I did! At American Eagle, no less! Do you have any idea how long I’ve had to pass that store up because they didn’t make clothes big enough to fit me? It’s a huge milestone!
Karla: Putting yourself out there is not as hard as you might think. And much easier on the internet
I can delete posts I don’t like, so I think it might be a bit of a cop out, but still. I did hit “publish”. So that has to mean something!
Cinderella: I’m a HelloHaHaNarf lover too! She R0XX0rs! Thanks for coming to say hi! I’ll come say hello in a bit!
Becky (HelloHaHaNarf): Yep! Eat right and exercise! Novel idea, huh?
April 27th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
You’re beautiful.
April 28th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
first off.. Kudo’s to you. I dont even like seeing myself in the mirror.. i currently am no in love with my body..
two.. wow.. Tracy’s got boobies she never had when we were growing up.. hahahha.. I dont have even half of that.. If I had your body I’d totally be wanting to show it off.
April 28th, 2009 at 7:53 pm
Becky: *blush* why thank you! Right back at ya!
Traci: No, I seem to have developed my breasteses in high school, and we didn’t live next door by then. But being down on your body is never a good thing
I would definitely know that. Hey, did you ever find a good recipe?
May 1st, 2009 at 3:00 pm
I LOVE YOU
July 24th, 2009 at 11:37 am
Hey there!
Fabulous! I’m a child development specialist and have a particular interest in body image and girls. In fact, I’m writing a book on the topic– due out in 2010 (Harlequin Books). We are always looking for great role models for girls– thank you for being one.
I love what you say at the end– but I also love the underlying message–I think more girls need to understand that its not about THEM fitting the CLOTHES but about CLOTHES fitting THEM! Why should they throw up, diet, use laxatives, berate and bash themselves when the bathing suit doesn’t fit? They simply need to find a bathing suit that fits their body! That’s what we want them to know.
I’ll repost your wonderful youtube journey on my blog with a link to yours. I think more people need to see it!
Also- would love to hear your story– how you came to love your body, if you would like to share it. Sharing stories are what help our girls- we all need to help in that are since they have so much going against them in the media (as well as elsewhere). Story website is http://www.AskDrRobynSilverman.com if you could share your story– it would be excellent– and anyone else who would like to, that would be great too!
Awesome! Go you!
Dr. Robyn
July 24th, 2009 at 11:58 am
[...] think we can all learn a very important lesson here. Stop trying to make your body fit the clothes and start looking for clothes that fit your [...]