The Post Where I Explain Where the Hell I’ve Been.

Yes, it’s been a long while. A very long while. About a year or so, I think.

And yes, the blog is in the process of redesign. I think it fits my new way of viewing myself and the world around me. Much has changed, and most of it for the better. Such good things happening now, and while I haven’t been able to keep up with you all, I have missed you very much.

So let’s recap. When last you tuned in, I had finally given up on my marriage of 12 years, after pouring my heart and soul into it for the last 5 or so. I had a brief emotional breakdown with much counseling. I moved in with the man who had scandalously been my lover for 3 years, off and on. My divorce became final. I started back to school for the first time in 20 years, in pursuit of my Bachelor’s degree in nursing.

I am incredibly proud to tell you that I have achieved a 4.0 for every term since returning to school, and am set to graduate with my Associate’s degree (transfer degree) in June of 2012. I will then be headed to nursing school. It has not been easy, but the long nights and huge assignments I obsessed over have definitely paid off. I’m beginning to see all the things I have that nobody will ever take away from me, and my confidence in myself has increased a hundred fold. While engaged in my studies, I discovered that, not only do I love Spanish as a language, I also love the people in the Latino community, and will be pursing a minor of Latin Studies in addition to my Bachelor’s of Sciences: Nursing.

Yo gano (“I am winning”).

I am still cohabitating with L., and while we are not always perfectly blissful, I can say without a doubt that he is the perfect partner for me. We are passionately in love, and take the job of caring for one another very seriously. The fact that I still smile when I fold his underwear tells you how new we still are, but we are both confident that this is the life we want-a life with one another.

There have been several bumps in the road; my children “hate” him (rightfully so, when he was partially responsible for their lives changing forever, but unrightfully so when he reminds them to empty the dishwasher), neither of us completely agree with the other’s style of parenting, and we are both so scarred from our previous relationships that we tend to dig our heels in and refuse to give an inch, after giving so many miles. We have tense discussions, then take some time and regroup, coming back to the conversation with the intent of solving the problem in a way that works for both of us. Which is entirely NEW to both of us.

There are a few issues that will never find common ground between us; He will never be ok with how far I will allow the kids to go before I put my foot down, and I will never be ok with him still financially supporting his ex, though they haven’t been together in over 2 years. In fact, it’s all I can do to keep from starting a fight every time he hands her half his paycheck. But…this is something I have no control over, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s to let go of things I cannot control.

Overall, things are spectacular. I am happy, healthy, and loved. I hope this post finds you experiencing the same.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 29th, 2011 at 9:27 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

5 Comments

  1. Alaena Helt says:

    Parenting style is a pretty common point of conflict for all relationships I think. It was a sticking point for a LONG time with Aaron and I as well. I’m the same as you, I let them get away with so much more than he does. I finally realized though, that my issues with his style of parenting were just that, *my* issues. As in, I had a lot of baggage and fears connected to parenting that stemmed from my own childhood. Once I realized that, and stopped trying to control Aarons interactions with the kids so much, I found that I ended up with much more respectful children and a more peaceful household.

    Not saying that any of this is the case for you at all. Just letting you know I totally relate and how it played out for another family. :)

    ... on July June 29th, 2011
  2. admin says:

    Exactly! With teenagers, they will always pull the emotion card on me (“we didn’t ASK to live with him!!”) and try to manipulate me. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t. Now, I’m finding that to just put my hand up and say, “We aren’t discussing that right now. We’re talking about you doing the dishes” it really helps diffuse their responses. :)

    ... on July June 30th, 2011
  3. Karl says:

    Good to see you! Glad you’re happy. There will always be some bumps in the road, but it sounds like you’re handling them well.

    ... on July June 30th, 2011
  4. Robert Lelis says:

    Tracy, I met your sister in Medford in the Summer of 1989. I spent time with her and knew she was very talented musically. I was a late bloomer and she was the 1st girlfriend I ever had. She ended up pregnant and moved to, I later found out many months later, Hayward, Calif. She was living with some other guy but I was able to see a few months old child who was named Alex. I know that the physical death is very emotional for the ones we love, and to those that love us. This time we have here is short in nature in the scheme of things. But we love and we carry that foward in this life and into our spiritual existince. I hope that we can talk more. Sincerly, Robert Lelis

    ... on July December 19th, 2013
  5. Admin says:

    Robert,

    I emailed you. Please call me! Thanks!

    -Tracy

    ... on July December 23rd, 2013

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